I am fighting for my impossible-5-percent

I am surely trying so hard at school
you know, taking hard classes
next semester I'll be in Brit Lit University of Wisconsin class and UW Calc 2 and American Government and UW Anatomy and Physiology
and US History, French, and chorale
and I am thinking about taking college here since it is so attempting to study abroad and come back here as an American and live their lives
dont you think?
but likely it is ...... 95 % over 100 % saying that I am not gonna be here anymore ever after coming back at June 26 next year
but you know what?
before I came here and being a candidate for YES program
I also had NO SUCH DREAM EVER VISITING AMERICA EVEN FOR A SEC
but the fact is I am here, typing these words, and I am so in Oshkosh WI
and so I save 5 % over 100 % for me to hope. this time, a real hope
and I am doing everything that I could ever do to fight for my 5 %
what do you think?
cause even if it doesnt work
struggling for my own goods never really hurts me

I want to travel around the world,
and try to heal this broken heart.

Cause I am too tired crying the whole night
pity myself on the pillow
thinking about things I dont have that I want

I think it comes the time I should be healed
and by blowing by the night wind
surrounding with tall building
with scarf around my neck, tries to get me warm though it wouldn't
and once not thinking about him, cause it's not always about him
is the peaceful time I should ever had.

Ramadhan isn't your cultural tradition month

Ramadhan is about to over. but this year, really, I am not feeling like I'm in one. Sorry for that. Pity me.
I just don't do any similar things like what I used to do back home. well...
and about two nights later, the Idul Fitri Day, the day when I am supposed to gather in my biological family and friends I used to know, have to be missing. 
Well, I kinda used to feel like that. though I was fasting each day, they were nothing but not to eat or drink. that was all.

However, I came into a new youth group today, it held in a mosque. but, really, it's even not like a mosque at all. there were thirteen or fourteen teens as I remember. and we were talking about how was the Ramadhan going. 
well, in the end of our discussion, uncle Achtar (I'm not sure with this name, sorry) concluded.
We reached a point that Ramadhan isn't about the traditional month that comes each year to us. when we go to the mosque a lot, and we pray, and read holy Al-Qur'an, and all day and night of worship to Allah SWT. we do tahajud, well, everything is complete. but then, when the Ramadhan ends, we go back to our old schedule and Ramadhan IS only kinda tradition in our own culture or country. when we gather with our family, eat our early breakfast, go to the mosque and stuffs.
actually, it is a yes, when Ramadhan ends and we're going down. but it's our choice to choose how far we're going down. "think about it, think about it"

Some Opposites

the opposite of standing still
is walking up or down a hill,
running backwards, creeping, crawling,
leaping off the cliff and falling,
turning somersaults in gravel,
or any other mode of travel.

the opposite of a doughnut? wait
a minute while I meditate.
this isn't easy. ah, I've found it!
a cookie with a hole around it.

what is the opposite of two?
a lonely me, a lonely you.

the opposite of a cloud could be
a white reflection in the sea,
or a huge blueness in the air,
caused by a cloud's not being there.

the opposite of opposite?
that's much too difficult. I quit.

                                        Richard Wilbur

Maggy and Milly and Molly and May

maggie and milly and molly and may
went down to the beach (to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly so she couldn't remember her troubles, and

milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles, and

may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone.

For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea
                                                 e. e. cummings

first until third day! find out how it goes!

sure I dont forget that I OWE you "something".
well, it's just really busy and tired and jet lag some days ago so i couldn't get into facebook even if i might to.
everything is running so well here. my flight and the journey is awesome. maybe you can check my facebook page and find the blog i wrote so every people that is curious can figure it out.
well, the first day i got home i've seen my adorable bedroom. it is not as large as yours but it's pretty awesome i think. and there also were presents from Mum and Dad for me.
there were a bag, a mag, a compass, a journal, a book of Wisconsin Trip, and a WEBCAM!
well, Isaac and Charlie are so awesome! they loves books and stuffs like that. every room in this house has bookshelf full of books.
i got the Harry Potter series in my bedroom. and they cook well!!! believe me! even in their age they make brownies and stuff like that. well, they dont even ever need a babysit i think.
and Julia is soooooo cute. and they got a lot of games and playing cards. and i ALWAYS am full!
and they really treat me like a family. like i dont have special schedule to use internet and computer and other stuff. and i can have any food in refrigerator and i can have their toiletries.
i can watch TV if i want to. yeah it's a family and i am home. so whats the big deal? LOL

and also at the very first day i was home they invited me to see lake Winnebago. you know right in the backyard we have the rocky shorelane i talk about and IT'S DAMN BEAUTIFUL!!!
you gotta see the picture! i'll uploaded soon, promise! there are lots of pictures to share with!
and we were boating with our private boat!
oh you gotta be here and feel it!

and there is a piano at home. like what i expected. and it used to be a GRAND PIANO! but they think their home is TOO SMALL to keep one so they gave it to grandma that lives not far from house. so i definitely can go visit grandma someday and TOUCH the grand piano!

the third day i am here which meant today, i was taken to the outlet store and WE WENT SHOPPING! believe me?!
i mean how could they become this good and elegant while i am still not showing anything. i still wake up at 11 because of this jet lag and i still cant do my laundry by myself because that was so sophisticated, well um you know i am not able to operate such things but i am working on it.
and i bought blazer which costs like $49 and sweater like $20 and belt like $11 and other toiletries and stuffs.
and they still asking about anything i'd like to have in my room, they showed me this cute pillow that people in Padang will never willingly to purchase it like $70.
i can have it and keep it for a nice journey with AFSer i think.

and grandmas and grandpas coming in this two days and gave me their big hugs.
and i met my friends from school, Yessra. shes really nice and helpful. we talked about the cliques and the gangsters and the EMO's and these football guys or cheerleaders. classes, teachers, books, binders, high heels, everything!

well, Yessra is a Moslem! as far as i am concern i already know where to sit at the school cafetaria at lunch time :)

the school itself will be started on Sept 2. and as for the fasting, i eat my early breakfast at 4 and have the break fasting at 8.30
in Oshkosh, even it's summer it's cool and windy. well um i am starting to worry about the winter then! the lake will be freezing that anyone could drive their cars on it.

well, Julia was getting so nice this morning, she said "Angie, you know, when you're not here yet, like you don't be one of our family yet, everything is not that nice, and now when you are here. everything is nice"

oh, thats touching. i wonder how short 11 months could be!

3 DAYS orientation in Virginia

place : Hilton Washington Dulles Airport, Virginia, USA

we met new nice people from Egypt, Ghana, South Africa, Chechnya, Turkey, Thailand, and Philippine. we did some sessions, games, and sang songs together. we met the American Ambassador and each country's ambassador. we went to US Department of State. and we got our first US$10 in Hilton and got to buy at least three items with that money in Union Station! I personally bought a USA pen, postcards, and a playing cards. Union Station is great! we got there by bus!

well, i felt jet lag at the time. I felt so much sleepy at 2 pm and little bit dizzy. but after all it was too excited to worry about jet lag. :)

we ate salmon and turkey and salad everyday. kinda boring, really! some of friends of me started to miss rice and sambal. but i personally felt okay with American food. but I did worry about turning fat. LOL

and it was so sad at the day we were leaving to our placement. because we won't be able to meet each other again until next year. so another farewell another hugs and hopes. uh that was so sad. :(

in fact, we WERE leaving and felt grateful for that :)

then my story has begun indirectly. my real story is just about in front of my eyes. wish me luck!

the trip (formally) :)

Padang --> Jakarta (like 2 hours by airplane) --> 10 days for Orientation in Wisma Handayani

Jakarta --> Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (like 2 hours by airplane) --> transit for an hour

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia --> Frankfurt, Germany (like 12 hours 5 minutes by airplane) --> transit for 5 hours

Frankfurt, Germany --> Washington DC, USA (like 7 or 8 hours by airplane)

Washington DC, USA --> Virginia, USA (like 2 hours by bus) --> 3 days for Orientation in Hilton Washington Dulles Airport

Virginia, USA --> Chicago, IL, USA (like 2 hours by airplane)

Chicago, IL, USA --> Manitowoc, WI, USA (like 4 or 5 hours by bus) --> 1 day of orientation in Clare Hotel

Manitowoc, WI, USA --> HOME! 1388 Babbitz Avenue, Oshkosh, Wisconsin, USA (like 1 hour 15 minutes by car) LIVING FOR LIKE ANOTHER 11 MONTHS

WHAT A WONDERFUL TIRING JOURNEY IT WAS! REALLY!!!

Insersio - Beautiful, sweet

INSERSIO – Beautiful, I think it’s already sweet

This is my last excursion with Insersio

My very last time to spend the day with them

My very last minute to have laughter and some fun

My very last second then I’ve got to say goodbye?

If last time I said it could be that fun,

Now I don’t know it could be this sweet

That makes my heart crying meaningfully

Remembering all suck things we’ve through together

All the fight, the misunderstanding, unlike each other,

 and every little mistake we’ve done

in one night and not more than two days

I already love you guys,

We have spent one beautiful night under the same roof

Playing cards, chess, guitar, monopoli, play station, is there a game I’ve not mentioned?

Had meals. Doesn’t care whose snack it is

Ain’t we worth it?

Truly, the most beautiful and sweetest moment was at the night

Somehow, it was at the night

Or maybe the way we were walking to just take a bath?

Or it was when we baked chicken?

Or in the bus and sang songs together with PUN?

Or when we got around making the circle?

Just a question in my mind

Will I meet people like you guys in the country I’m going to stay?

I do think you’re just too sweet

It’s hurtful at the time one by one of us dropped out the bus

Waving and saying goodbyes

Smiling, though bittersweet

It was so much a short period of time

Like we lost the days, and the night just passed by

But I really think Insersio is already so sweeeeeeet

dedication for black-big-quotes-note book

For the house and the home, the place I always find myself ended

For all friends that give me broken heart and happy tears

For the dreams that do come true (believe me)

For the love I find in the very last minute, sadly

And now I’ve got to be leaving

And just like that I am watching myself losing the love I wished so high

we were just too young!

We were just too young

Too young to even smile!

Too young to look on the camera

Too young to understand

Too young to think so complicated

Too young! Just too young!

I was too young at the first time I knew you.

And when I am this old, I already miss the time,

And everything won’t just turn back,

I am leaving, and I am sure I am not that remembered.

I am leaving, and I already love you.

I am leaving, and I already miss you.

Hey, don’t you know I love you?!

                                                                                                                -p.puteri

King Pulled Out Chair (Part 2)

I bet you don’t even know about these rules

But you already are

But thinking about you’re in love with someone else

Makes me trembling

It hurts,

Though I am kinda used to it

Every broken heart has its own different way to hurt me.

                                                                                                                -p.puteri

SHIT!

Uh yeah, I fall in love again

SHIT! I fall in love again!

Soon then I’ll absolutely feel another broken heart

I am exactly on the right sharp way to!

SHIT!

                                                                                                                -p.puteri